Today was a hard day. Chaos ruled my brain. Fear steered my heart. So…how did i start my day of chaos-fear? Did i reach for that unchanging truth that i believe with all my soul? Did i seek comfort in prayer and shift my focus to truth? Did i practice what i preach so often on Wednesday mornings?
i went to the foot spa*.
Lean in people, i’m confessing a secret recipe to peace and calm right now…and it has little to do with the actual foot massage (however, that is quite the bonus). Ya see, inside my head i’ve written Bible study lessons, wrestled thru big stuff, practiced difficult conversations, reordered my priorities via some pretty deep conversations with God while chillin’ in those big weird recliners at the foot spa.
Why does God meet me at the foot spa?
Today, the answer to that question hit me. i was STILL and SILENT for 90 minutes. My phone sat silenced and tucked away in my purse. No media or noise polluted the quiet. A towel resting over my eyes to kept me from absorbing visual distractions of the real world.
After the initial shock my brain goes thru in these calm, quiet times, i start to talk to God. My chat is less of a laundry list asking Him to bless this/that, but rather more of a back/forth exchange swaying slowly like an old porch swing.
My side of our foot spa talk starts like this:
i feel lost.
i don’t understand what my purpose is here.
i feel chaotic and out-of-control.
This world feels dark and scary and hopeless.
Are You here? i don’t feel like You are.
Even typing those words elevates my heart rate and my head starts to throb. But when i look back at those pleas, i realize they all have one thing in common. Feel. How often do you think God waits patiently for our words to shift from our feels to what we know…what never, ever changes? For me, its a process. As the quiet seeps in and i get a lil more comfortable with it, a transformation occurs.
The stillness calms my heart, The silence steadies my mind. My side of the chat starts to change into this:
i know You have plans for me; take me where You want me.
Thank You that in spite of ugly, You never change. You still love me and my tribe. You still have a bigger, better plan that i cant see.
You aren’t taken by surprise; help me trust that and quit worrying.
i know You are there even when i cant see/hear/feel.
i want my life to be what You want it to be.
Thank You for being so real to me.
Give me words and show me where/what to share.
In the darkness of that room i realized my feels turned to knows. My questions to Him, turned into answers. “i feel lost and i dont understand my purpose. BUT, i know You have plans for me and You are never taken by surprise. You want me to trust You even when i dont feel like it.”
Why did it take a foot spa to get me to breathe in and listen today? To be honest, i spend most days sprinting thru my to-do list letting the noise of this life drown out His voice. i don’t give my feels a chance to listen and lean in to the knows. i shift to the next item on my list and slip in my earbuds to drown out the quiet. Today He met me at the foot spa.
When was the last time you got still and quiet?
What did you “hear” in those moments?
Are you stuck in the feels when you desperately need to hear some of the knows?
Where will you meet Him today? Where’s your foot spa?
*If you’ve never experienced the wonder of the Chinese foot spa, then you haven’t lived (OK, that is a SLIGHT exaggeration). The foot spa-ing service mixes the greatness of a full body, fully clothed massage session with an intense pressure point routine on your feet and lower legs. It’s dark and quiet. It’s comfy. You can feel quite alone if not for the occasional snoring of the other patrons. It’s a lil weird…but in the best way.