(re-post from 2014, true then, true today)
Head is still a mess…heart is tangled up, too. But felt like I need to get some words down and out there in the middle of this spin cycle of re-entry.
24 hours ago I woke up in Hopkins, Belize. No, not the fancy resort part of Belize…but in a place that not many folks make it to. Thru the mountains and rainforest…a windy, twisty 4 hour van ride from the airport. The scene u see, smell, hear along the way is arresting. Overwhelming. Painful. Because, i think at first glance you overlook the beauty because you see the dirty, painful reality that covers it like a film. That first van ride is eye-opening. By the time we roll into Hopkins, it’s dark and you’ve been on a bumpy dirt road for awhile. And then u stop, emerge from the 2×40 van (2×40 – new term for our “A/C” on the van ride…4 hours of 2 windows down going 40 mph) and u catch a glimpse.
Ocean. A river in the wasteland.
So much of this trip is about settling into the struggle between the river and the wasteland. As sit and type – back home in my beautiful backyard – I close my eyes and see the beautiful, dirty, smiling kiddo faces but I can also see the dark, scary, shadowy reality that seems too dark for there to be ANY light.
Ya know I heard once that we only recognize darkness has arrived bc we have spent time in the light. Is that true? I think so. If we only spend time in the darkness, our eyes get used to it. I dont ever want to see the darkness w/o expectation for the light to come. Hope. That’s the word I’m searching for.
rivers in wasteland = hope in the dark places of life
Darkness is in FloMo. Darkness is in Belize. Am I bringing light? Am I sharing hope regardless of circumstances? Am I making the way for the river in the wasteland? I wrestle with the desire to fix. I cant fix the dark. I cant cast a net of “heres how we can make it better” on Belize. If I’m being honest, I cant follow a fix-it recipe here in FloMo either. The wasteland is vast. The river can only be be set in motion by One. I can be part of it…I can do some work to let the hope in. Thru the dark. In spite of it. In contrast with it.
Hope. Light. Living Water. I’m overwhelmed by seeing it this week…more to come…
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland. – Isaiah 43:19