This week I’ve taken a break from most media. I’m off social media. I’m avoiding non-essential emails. I’ve cut the meaningless internet time . I’ve unsubscribed from tons of stuff…to lessen the inbox clutter. I’ve attempted to reduce the noise…the chatter I’ve allowed to muddy up my day-to-day. To create some room—some white space—in my brain, my priorities, and my world.
What I’ve been learning is hard to put into words. It’s a “feel”, really. I feel the quiet. (In fact, if you shadowed me and the busyness of my week even w/o media, you’d agree it’s still quite full…probably TOO full.) But, there’s something different…something purposeful that I hope to keep in play after my week ends.
I just tucked my house into bed and felt a pull to get this written down. So, here I go…the attempt to define the “feel of quiet” that has come over me this week. Here’s a few things I’ve learned:
1) I miss people’s faces. I don’t consider myself a person sequestered off in an MacBook dungeon…chained to FB or Instagram for all social interactions. However, I know too much about people who I do NOT see in real life. I miss running into people and asking how they’ve been…and not knowing. I miss looking into someone’s eyes while we laugh or cry. I miss being too busy to just stop. I miss being flexible and available. I miss making time with people—and looking into their faces—a priority. I use my phone too much to take the place of faces. I wear earphones on errands to escape interaction and getting off-track on my precious, priceless to-do list. We were created for relationships. Without even knowing it, I allow convenience and selfishness rob me of connecting with others.
2) I miss the cracks. I seek perfection. There, I said it. When I have a job to do, I want to do it perfectly. Not “do it well”…I seek to do it PERFECTLY. I let nothing slip thru the cracks. If I do, then I stress/worry/fix it until it’s un-cracked. I’m insane, truly. If I remember that I needed to get something ordered online, I’ll pause at that MOMENT and go take care of it. One less thing on my list for tomorrow…one less thing to slip thru the cracks. Perfect is boring. The cracks are the character.
3) I miss playing cards. In my house, we play cards. In fact, it’s one of the coolest memories I have of growing up. The Hunters played cards. So of course, I shared the beauty of cards w/my tribe. We play cards. In fact, I collect card decks. Dude. Cards rule. So…when did we stop getting down on the floor to play? When did that quit being the FIRST choice? When did TV and instagram replace playing cards w/mom? Where did my kids LEARN this desire to let devices and such dull their brains and steal their creativity? I miss filling the empty spaces of quiet with…well…sometimes with nothing at all. When did we cease to have any idle time? Idle time to play cards…or play freeze tag…or bake cookies? Tonite we played cards on the floor. Then we played 52 card pickup. Then we laughed for what seemed like hours. Then my girl said this, “you were SO fun tonite mom…” Neither one of them needed to check Instagram. No one wanted to text a friend. We played cards.
4) I miss knowing what I own. I know too much. I have too much to keep up with. I am developing a FOMO of epic proportion (FOMO – fear of missing out, yo). I’m a fixer by nature. A recovering fixer, I should say. If I know your stuff, I worry about it…I think about it…I become responsible for it in some tiny, weird place in my brain. It sounds nuts, but I start to own stuff that isn’t mine. I feel like I should be checking back…I feel like I’m a failure if I’m not up-to-date. I want to feel victorious in NOT KNOWING. I want to be cheerfully and preciously off the grid…w/a grin. I want to get back on…and not GO back and catch up. I need clarity. I need focus. I need to own my own stuff.
Whew. The honestly is getting a lil thick in here, eh?
The feel of quiet. I love it. It’s seeping into the worlds of my family. It’s creeping across my face. It’s changing the priorities I’m letting God set for my days. May I never ever ever forget what this quiet feels like…