OK, so check out this list…
We’ll call this "exhibit A":
- nerf ball
- plastic corn
- pink plastic dressup shoe
- plastic tea party plate
- the other sock
- MY PANTS
- corn again
- beach fun barbie
- another sock
- a pillow
One word: Duke. The dog is certifiable…totally neurotic. Seriously. Mentally unstable. I call this his "attention getting procedure". He is dedicated to the cause…read on and admire his efforts.
Here’s his M.O.:
Step 1: Wait til everyone is settled – usually after we have kids in bed and we’re chillin on the couch
Step 2: Seek attention in any way possible. Try cute method: bring nasty chew bone to couch and wiggle and wag in effort to seek praise and pets. If this method fails, proceed to step 3.
Step 3: Try "Ineedtogoout" method…stand at the backdoor and grunt and make weird noises. Once someone gets up to let you out, try same method on otherside of door. After 2 or 3 times, this will fail. Proceed to step 4.
Step 4: Pace. Be sure to pace and pause in front of the cable box so remote wont work. Proceed to step 5.
Step 5: Wake the kids. Lumber out of the room (make sure to droop head and feel sorry for self…make it very obvious) and head for the baby gate that blocks off kids’ rooms. Start nosing it open and attempt a wakeup-lick-session to the justwenttobed kids. NOTE: this usually infuriates the humans…if you MAKE IT and wake kids up…the "mom" human tends to freak out and chase you out the door…banished to backyard for rest of the nite. Make sure you are willing to take this risk. If you dont make it thru gate – but only nudge and nose it b4 you get in trouble, proceed to step 6.
Step 6: Get all up in Daddy’s business. He’s been gone all day. He might like a 110 lb dog climbing up on top of him on white couch and licking him. WHEN this doesnt work, proceed to step 7.
Step 7: Congrats, this is the KING of all steps. Disappear. Sneak off to locate secret stash (usually laundry room or kids’ playroom when door isnt shut all the way) of attention-getting-paraphanalia. See exhibit A. This NEVER FAILS to crack up the humans. Slowly carry in the item making sure it artfully hangs out of your mouth so as to be noticed. Walk right to humans and dangle it a bit. THen start being cute (see step 2). WHen the laugh and take the item from your mouth and start the inevitable PILE of stuff you’ll be bringing, repeat this step and move down the list to next item. Continue to repeat steps until desired level of laughs and attention is achieved.
Step 8: After about 45 mins of this, get really tired (bc its truly exhausting getting attention all the time) and collapse on dog bed, only to be awaken in time to move to bedroom when humans go to bed.
Step 9: Make a loud heavy sigh and sleep tight.
Welcome to our world of Duke. The dog is truly nuts. Have you read Marley and Me? THAT IS MY DOG.