*repost from June 17, 2013.
So so so many amazing thoughts/prayers/ideas/pains/questions coming from our week in Belize. I’ve done lots of writing…some will become blogs, I’m sure. Some have become prayers. But there’s one thing I’ve realized…there’s too much to sort out into nice neat piles of:
thankful for this
confused by this
struggling to understand this
conflicted about this
hopeful because of this
happiness embodied in this
asking WHY about this
never wanting to leave this
wanting to forget this
I thrive on control and order and my time here felt like a giant shoe scramble of feelings. And–after the first 24 hours in Belize and a good cry on the beach–I realized that this is one of those times that God is asking me to just jump in the pile and dig out one shoe at a time…He’ll sort it out for me.
One morning before we headed to Holy Angels School to start the day, Brent posed a challenge to our family (and later to our whole group) to seek to answer one question:
WHY YOU WE HERE?
Answering this q for myself became the primary topic of discussion with God and me over the next few days.
While on the trip, I read a new all-time fav called Help, Thanks, Wow by Anne Lamott. While processing all my “shoes” scrambled up in my mind and recorded in my journal AND wrestling with Brent’s question, I read this and it became my Belize mantra:
“The truth is that ‘to whomever much is given, of him will much be required; and to whom much was entrusted of him more will be asked,’ if Jesus is to be believed. He meant us not the Kennedys or the Romneys — us, to whom such exquisite companions have been given. In the face of this, we mysteriously find ourselves willing to pick up litter in the street, or let others go first in traffic. Or even to let the psychotic talk to us for longer than a normal person would, to set aside the apprehension or boredom we feel and actually listen…
How can something so simple be so profound, letting others go first, in traffic or in line at Starbucks, and even if no one cares or notices? Because for the most part, people wont care–they’re late, they havent heard back from their new boyfriend, or they’re fixated on the stock market. And they wont notice that you let them go ahead of you.
They’ll take it as their due.
But you’ll know. And it can change your whole day, which could be a way to change your whole life. There really is only today, although luckily that is also the eternal now. And maybe one person in the car in the lane next to you or in line at the bank or at your kid’s baseball game will notice your casual generosity and will be touched, lifted, encouraged — in other words, slightly changed for the better — and later will let someone else go first. And this will be quantum.”
The WHY in the midst of the shoe scramble? There it was. For me, the answer was in the litter-picking-up.
Because He’s given me the ability and opportunity to.
Because most of the time only He knew.
Because He can change me thru the litter.
Because maybe how I serve/love will impact someone else.
“And this will be quantum…”
And so for me, at that school I attempted to end every day picking up litter. (There is so much litter there.) And the funny thing was, it was some of the best time I had w/God..almost like a super-cool inside joke between me and the Creator of everything,
Funny thing, on our last day at the school He arranged that one of my fellow workers asked, “Hey Kris, could u help out w/something? I need a hand picking up this litter before we head out…”