Themes are constant in my life…are they in yours? Some say God is silent these days; I disagree – He's pretty vocal and evident at times when I choose to focus and see what He's showing me. Right now, I've been thinking about the dark, dreary place that is – TURNING 40. Ha, I kid, I kid. But seriously, lots of stuff is getting me down these days…as I'm sure it does for many around this time of year. I find myself doing lots of asking of God…asking for Him to clarify or guide in some "gray areas". And – wouldnt you know it – He starts throwing stuff at me that reminds me that I just might be right where He wants me (even if its not right where I want me).
I've been having trouble sleeping lately…weird for me…and last night I watched The Count of Monte Cristo. Great movie. Something dawned on me as I watched this guy rot in prison…he lost hope. He lost faith. He got mad. He recognized that he was just building rage and revenge in his soul. The other old-prisoner-guy said to him that maybe that was right where God wanted him…in rage and revenge. How can that BE? Well, as I watched I realized this: if it werent for the revenge, he'd have lost that will to live. He'd have succumbed and ultimately died.
And so – as I tried to sleep after that movie I just kept letting my mind creep back to a discussion I had with my hubby the other day after the funeral of a young father…a death that made no sense to those he left behind. I remember thinking that we cant know/understand WHY, but we can trust that He's in charge w/o knowing the details. And then, I remembered the fleas from Corrie Ten Boom's book The Hiding Place. How can being overcome w/fleas in a concentration camp make ANY SENSE on ANY LEVEL? Well…they did. They do. Fleas make sense when God's using them for His stuff. They cant possibly make sense to us. Which brings me to #3…
Today I read this on my fav blog. Its a question and then David Crowder answers it…I love his answer.
"How do you deal with it when you don’t feel particularly close to God, or even are mad at Him, and you have to play a concert?"
David Crowder: I kick Him in the shins then run! (Also, there’s this: There have
been times when I have felt like I’m in the wilderness, you know, on my
own, in a desert-like environment, isolated, desolate, abandoned in a
godforsaken wilderness with cacti, well, no cacti, but still the desert
metaphor works in communicating the bleakness I have felt on occasion.
A good friend of mine pointed out that it was none-other-than God
Himself that lead His people into the wilderness from time to time,
which could in turn mean that when you feel you’ve been deserted, you
may be exactly where He wants you. He may have even had a hand in
bringing you to that point. This has brought a small amount of comfort
in those times.) But I do find the kicking of shins to be therapeutic.
"God Himself lead His people into the wilderness from time to time, which could in turn mean that when you feel you've been deserted, you may be exactly where He wants you." So true.
Ya know, there is no verse in the Bible that says, "everything I allow will make sense and you will love it all – I PROMISE". If it did, I guess there'd be no need for faith…trust. So, I'll keep thinking on these themes He's tossing my way. Wherever I find myself…good to remember, that despite the craziness of it or the unclearness of it, He knows where I am. And, He's there with me, too.